I think the best way to see the change within myself, be it in terms of this last calendar year or my last birthday is to reflect.
To see the objective perspective of this past year I’ve found it helpful to put myself in the shoes I used be in. I’ve been able to do this by just looking with as much objectivity as one can at themselves. The biggest task I’ve tried to implement is by seeing myself this past year while trying to do so without the pressures of judgment that I think all humans are guilty of from time to time. What I’ve found helps is to use empathy while reflecting on even my past self. Therefore I try not to compare as good vs. bad but simply look to see the contrasts and comparisons. So I’ve gone back to look at the differences in order to see my change in different forms. By reading my journal entry’s to the exact date, pictures, social media post, and even what I hold close to my heart in terms of accomplishments, conversations with loved ones, painting, or poetry whatever I was using for self expression at that time vs. now.
Last year a couple of my new years resolutions were, I want to be more confident within myself specifically by stopping my over apologizing and over thanking. Another one was to find my inner balance by working to not fall into life’s set backs and simply realizing the weight of all the good and blessings within my life and spirit, as to fight the cycle of ricocheting between best and worst. One of my achievements this year is the ability to see my mistakes or weaknesses and not punishing myself for it. Being able to let go so that my spirit can grow and glow! I’ve found that finding my balance came by knowing that it’s ok to be content, its actually down right beautiful and is where I’ve found a significant amount of peace. Also that I can feel all the emotions and it’s not a bad thing to be sensitive it’s simply a characteristic, more than my downfall. That I can grow by seeing what I want to work on within my self and putting energy and effort into that. Yet accepting all of who I truly am in my soul is part of growth, and seeing all my trials and strengths is something incredibly hard therefor it is amazing.
This year there has been a lot of changes it was my first year of marriage, finding myself and defining my character what I really stand for, finding the wonderful Meraki tribe, writing poetry like my life depends on it, experiencing the beginning of a spiritual awakening, figuring out how solitude can be calming with unique shades of contentment, and best of all becoming pregnant with my beautiful baby due in June. Changes don’t always come easy, but it’s my opinion that anything good in life requires persistence and work. All of these changes each and every one of them were like beautiful colors in the sky of the Aurora Borealis is while going along the rest of my life only seeing black and white.
Last year has been about: self-reflection, letting go, and to start becoming the best version of myself as a whole, body mind and soul. After resting on mediocrity for far too long, I’ve longed to move past that. This year has been about implementing changes for the better and taking actions to be true to myself despite fear of the unknown that I’ve been falsely imprisoning myself in. Felling everything can feel insurmountable but it isn’t; fear is a plain and simple liar that you must call on it’s shit just like your inner critic. I guess you can’t always believe everything that you perceive or think to be real.
This new year is about not letting that little inner critic and sync talk me out of accomplishing the goals I know in my heart that I want, that my potential is more than capable of, and is best for me. This New Year is going to be filled with even more drastic changes mainly becoming a mother, which I’m feeling a roller coaster of emotions about. I’m also going to push myself and dismantle the fear-based procrastination that’s accompanied me for to long! Another resolution I have is to take more risk’s and put myself out there professionally especially but also personally and simply except all of me and continue to follow through with my plans, hopes, dreams, and goals. So I think my 2016 mantra will be “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and it’s more about the journey not just the destination.” I’m so happy I’ve learned even more clearly that every human and I deserve good in every aspect that this life does indeed have to offer. Humanity is still alive and well so I will go forth and become even more of a Hope-aholic happy new year, wipe the slate clean and prosper.