With a dualistic perspective, there are two main forces – the push and the pull. That which attracts and that which repels. I can see this in some fundamental way with the people that cross my path and their reactionary movements through life.
There are those seekers who run eyes wide open towards everything that promises happiness and bliss and wonderment and they speak positively about those things outside of themselves, you know, they seem to be attracted towards everything, pushing themselves out into the world, they are perhaps the people who end up going on big journeys towards something, like on a mission to find themselves. Because ultimately they feel like they’ve lost themselves, and they seem to think salvation lies without, beyond themselves, and so they need to “find” “it”.
The other type of person I meet is doing something different. They are pushing things away. They meet people, ideas and concepts and instead of going “yes! I’m in!” this person says “no that’s not for me”, and instead leaves the room, not to go to anywhere specific, but to get away and escape. Because ultimately they want to get away from and lose themselves, because there is too much there and they want to get away from it.
There is an underlying sense of not wanting to be this me-that-I-am, so like in the first case, the goal is to go out and discover it all, in the second, it is to get away from everything until there is nothing left. No reminder of self. So people respond to their position by trying to pull it in, by flying off to India to look for salvation, or push it away, by going down in submarines, where they can’t get a phone or internet signal.
And they all succeed, eventually, in getting themselves so tired out trying to get to, or away from, themselves, who, for some reason, they’ve decided they don’t really like all that much anyway. There’s always some reason. Somehow we seem to think that even though we are a product of and exist within this very real reality with all its light and darkness, that we should be exempt and only get to have what we decide to call “good”.
Praise feels a lot nicer than criticism, and of course we strive towards getting more of what feels “nice”. Hugs feel nicer than fists, words whispered like caresses are preferable to screamed insults.
We want to be that person, the one who gets all the niceness, the one who gets it all just right. Everything we do comes down to that wanting. Wanting to get it right. Wanting to be adored, to be special, wanting to be seen and loved and perfect. Some of us hold on to the idea that its the others that are wrong and we are really much better than anyone else sees. Some of us feel that we are much much worse than it is possible to be, so others are wrong because we are much worse than they perceive.
This goes on and on, until one day, something happens that makes you stop, and realise, no matter what you’ve done, you never got “it”, but it doesn’t really matter anymore because you’re now at this point of being too tired to care.
And thats the day it falls into place, and you stop being this you of preference and disapproval, and just allow the highs and lows, and let the flow guide you instead.
Now recently during a conversation, we talked about this idea of getting away. Getting away from everything and everyone, and how nice this person thought that would be. Except that without all those distractions, you’d still be you, and there’s no escaping that, because how can you get away from yourself and still maintain the self-identity?
Within all this, and our focus on me, and where I want to go, what I need for me, the every present capitalisation of the SELF, I suggest, taking a moment, and instead of focusing on your needs and your wants, give to someone else. In giving, we grow. In focusing on another, we can momentarily lose ourselves, and feel that we are right where we are, and that rightness is everything and nothing all at once.
Whatever it is that you want is to get and receive, go out and give and do that for another. Not because you want to find yourself, not because you want to get away from yourself. Do it because you have done the wanting and yearning and desiring and you know what it is. Do it because you can. Lose yourself in grappling with the puzzle pieces of how you can achieve the best possible result for someone other than yourself.
From my heart,