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A love letter to my pain

It wasn’t love at first sight
When I first met you I fought you with all I had
I tried to escape –
the fist time you knocked at my door I didn’t open up
but you found your way in
into to my flesh and bones – deep into my body
you made my life a living hell
I suffered
I cried
I tried to numb you with all sorts of pills
but nothing could stop you
like acid you ate me up from within
you made my body feel like a burden
like a living death
left me night after night crumbling on the floor
shattered – on my knees begging for mercy
You became over the years a faithful companion
always by my side
the first I saw when I opened my eyes
and the last before falling asleep
you were always there
some days you went away but always came back to me…
And then you started to teach me…
you made me listen to my body
you made listen to my soul
to the tiny little voice deep inside
I could only hear while lying in bed not moving at all
you didn’t stop until I started accepting and finally loving myself
you taught me compassion towards myself and the people around me
by crashing me you made me humble
and there I learned how to pray
bowing before the almighty…
you were once my enemy
now you are my teacher
These days I don’t see you so often any more
but still you are at my side
until the day we must part my dear
and when you leave I will not cry
when you leave my dear
I will be free…