Literally. I took this photo while writing this entry. But it’s more to it than just the visual point of view. I’m talking about the emotional stand point.
I fell in love. Many of you know the feeling, have heard the myth of what love is supposed to feel like, or how you’re supposed to wait a certain amount of dates before you do the dirty.
All of that is irrelevant. That would be the societal thing to believe.
To me, love isn’t one specific feeling. It is many feelings. It’s the butterflies on the first date. The impeccable nerves when she says “so you wanna kiss me or?”.
The calming aura that surrounds her when things aren’t going according to plan.
But it’s also heartache. It’s unplanned words that sting like bullets that can’t be taken back.
It is sometimes, the lack of understanding from one partner to another.
It is sometimes the need to rely on them because today, you’re not that strong & the want for them to realize that.
It is the realization that you can’t change people. You can’t place expectations on what a person will or won’t do while they’re in your company.
Once you’ve experienced this enough, the bad side at least..but what’s good without bad..you learn to stop expecting. You learn to depend on yourself to keep you happy. Because, let’s face it. People suck. They break promises. They lie. They say hurtful things. People just suck, sometimes.
When love turns to this, you need to decide whether or not it will make or break you.
You decide whether you stay at rock bottom, or let go of the weight that’s tying you to the floor.
Sometimes, all we need to do is listen intently to ourselves. Not hear ourselves. Listen.
Take a few moments to gather your inner thoughts and tackle the ones affecting you more, first.
I grew up with the mentality that you give to give, not to receive. So I embarked life with that mindset. I gave. And gave. And gave some more. But with all that giving, to everyone else, I forgot the most important person. Me. Trying to rewire your mindset to be healthier for yourself and true to who you are after being told so when you were growing up, but the moment you do become true to yourself, all those people who preached it at you..disappear.
Funny how that works.
This journey is by far the hardest venture I’ve embarked on in my whole life. At times making me rethink if this is the right thing. But every time I find myself questioning…I’m lead back to the same answer. Listen to yourself. Follow your gut feeling.
4 months later, I have no regrets.
This is my story. Come help find me.