The other day my love asked me of life’s purpose. If everything he did was so transient and if it would all be erased in the end by the sheer magnitude of time what was the point? What was the difference if he played video games, meditated, had a family or built his business if all of it would eventually be forgotten. Was it not all just a distraction to pass the time until his untimely end?
“Really?!” I asked. “You are asking me for the meaning of life?!!” I sighed. Then I thought, “nothing ventured nothing gained, right?” After a moment’s reflection this was what I offered:
There is a saying that all life is the universe’s attempt to realize itself. Most religions believe that God exists in everything. Therefore, I don’t think it a large step to equate the universe, of which I am a part, with God. As a Panentheist I believe that god is the universe as well as everything that may exist outside of it. If god resides in me and all round me then everything I do has purpose.
God is in me . . .
I am in God . . .
and I AM God.
The universe flows around, in and through me. Life is simultaneously awesome and insignificant. There are countless tiny cells and partial thoughts that come together to create the being I know as ‘me.’ In the same way, I am part of and adding to a bigger consciousness.
I gain self-awareness through my experiences. I gain knowledge from every connection I make by relating to it and to myself through it. Regardless of whether I am at peace, self-destructing, fighting, confronting or catalyzing conflict, healing, breaking, avoiding, or idling; everything I am, that I go through and that I do has a purpose. It all brings me to a deeper understanding of myself and the world around me.
I push against the world within and outside of me so that I may better understand how I relate to them. As each connection unfolds into awareness the conflict attached is released and I am able to restore flow. Few people seem interested in actively seeking consciousness in areas they find deeply terrifying or harsh. Most only do so when the consequences of living inauthentically become more painful than confronting the blocks, delusions and protections created to guard against our self-centered fears.
I have often limited and fractured myself and my view of the world by defining aspects of both as “good vs bad” or “desirable vs undesirable.” Am I worth less when I am sad than when I am happy? Does my pain have less meaning and purpose than my pleasure? Does it have more? Or do all my feelings and experiences play a uniquely necessary and key role in my exploration and interaction with the universe within and outside of me? Who would I be without the release, peace and grounding affording by my sadness, the spur and warmth of my joy, the understanding of my empathy, the urging of my anger, the affirmation of my pride or the motivation of my hunger?
If I cut myself into little pieces and only keep the ones that fit the idea of what I “should” be, I will never be whole.
I still have a magnitude of triggers, conflicts and misunderstandings that I’m constantly uncovering with me that require attention. I still revert to unconscious habits and have to stop and examine my intentions and motives. Slowing down to listen and become more aware may initially be distressing for the more anxious parts of me; however, the more I give myself over to the process the more peace and clarity I am able to glean from the situation. After all,
I have been given the honorable task of facilitating the awareness of God. I deserve all my love, patience, time and understanding.
Rather than giving into an immature impulse to escape my discomfort and struggles, I’m seeking the knowledge to be had in and around them. I’ve grown to understand that life is not just about being comfortable. All of the painful experiences of my life have a purpose to them. As such, I am encouraged to stay present through my pain. If I do close off from it I will take the space I need to recoup and care for myself instead of compounding my conflict with undue pressure or ridicule. Whatever I do, I realize my purpose by reaching for a deeper sense of fulfillment and being.
The goal of my life is to know myself. I am a part of a far larger existence and have been created with the purpose of bringing my small collection of consciousness to a greater awareness. This encourages me to find peace with myself and those around me. We are each gaining countless experiences and adding to a higher level of consciousness and understanding.